Your Reflection’s Your Greatest Enemy

It’s a funny thing to not know who you are. It’s like navigating with a blindfold. The crazy thing about it is; even if you were certain of who you were, things can change. You can always lose yourself. Time changes us in many ways. As a teenager I use to be so sure of myself. Certain that I know how my life was going to turn out. That I knew all the steps I had to take to get what I wanted. I couldn’t have been so wrong. All the confidence I had completely vanished with something as simple as words. “ You’re not good enough.” Since adulthood I’ve fought to prove that sentence to be wrong. What damaged me the most was that it was coming from people I hold dear. This simple sentence has been directed towards my weight, my style, my career choices, My very being. All that I was. I wasn’t good enough. And it still hunts me now. As I approach middle age I second guess myself. I hold back. I stress and over think everything. My thoughts tends to consume me; what the others thought of me. Am I doing enough? I became worrisome of negative feedback. I’d get fixated on being perfect before facing the world. Knowing my health limitations I overwhelm myself with over correction. Stressing. Sometimes I just wish there was a clear direction to go. Knowing if I’d follow I won’t make errors along the way. But thats not reality. We can’t shy away from conflict and failure’s or even criticism. I had to face that I was my greatest failure, by beginning to doubt myself all because others had doubted me. I opened up the floodgates to believing I was worth nothing because of their standards of me. Comparing myself to others success and beauty. Thinking I was lacking because in my eyes I wasn’t their equal. There’s always many reasons to not doing something and only one great one to do it.